My Friend, the Birth Mom

After I got to Gainesville, Florida Linda drove me back to her house. I got to bed around 2 AM and had set my alarm for 7:30 AM in hopes that I would be able to go to Victoria's doctors appointment with her at 9 AM. Nine o'clock came and went with no word from her. I waited without any word from her or Jerry for most of the day. I spent my time getting to know Marvin and Linda and telling them about our family. I was so disappointed that I missed the appointment. She was having an ultrasound and I desperately wanted to see the baby. I was beginning to think that she had changed her mind and I had come all that way for nothing. That evening Jerry called and said that she had been overwhelmed with the idea of meeting me. We set a time for Saturday for us to meet at Arbor House which is a home for homeless mothers and pregnant women.

Saturday morning I met Jerry at the Christian Family Services office. As we drove to the Arbor House we talked about the agency and our families. Once we got there I nervously stepped out of the car. This was going to be the very first time that I am meeting the woman who carries in her belly "my baby". This is some what of a terrifying thought. We knocked on the door and it seemed like forever before it was opened. A young woman stood before me. Her eyes shined and her smile was beautiful. We all walked into the room and sat at a small desk that was cluttered with papers. Victoria and I sat on one side and Jerry sat on the other. Awkwardly I began to talk to her about how she was doing. The conversation didn't last long. We exchanged phone numbers and then Jerry and I left. I felt better now that I had met Victoria but there was still so much unknown about her and how we were going to build a relationship. Later that evening I called Victoria and asked her if she would like to go to church with me in the morning. She said she would like that very much. It was a short phone call, just long enough to exchange details about times and locations.



Victoria



Sunday morning I picked Victoria up at the Arbor House and we drove to church just in time for bible class. I picked Linda out of the crowd and we shuffled into the pew together. After bible class there was a short break before worship started. Someone came and greeted me with all smiles and hugs saying, "you must be Heather, the one that came to adopt the baby" and that's when I realized I was needing to make some kind of introduction to Victoria. I watched the woman's lips moving as my mind raced on all the ways that I could introduce her. My heart was pounding and I felt flushed. I didn't want Victoria to feel uncomfortable at all. As the woman stopped talking I motioned over to Victoria and said, "this is my friend Victoria." The woman said, "oh isn't that nice that you came to support Heather while she is adopting. Did you come from Washington too?" Victoria blushed and smiled and said, "no, she is adopting my baby. I'm the birth mom." The woman's mouth dropped open. She recovered fairly well saying, "Oh! Well, that's nice of you to come." For the next few minutes Victoria and I had the chance to define our relationship to many very interested women. It actually worked out really well. I started introducing her as "Victoria, the birth mom who is choosing adoption for her baby" and Victoria became very comfortable talking to people and answering questions. This was probably the best thing to help us work out some of the awkwardness of our relationship and to help us move forward into a friendship. It was also super wonderful being able to praise God with the young woman who is choosing to give us her baby. There really is no greater spiritual time spent with God than that. After church we went for a walk on a nature tail. We walked for 3 miles in the warmth of the sun. We talked about everything from favorite foods to what our childhoods were like.

On Monday, I went to lunch at a BBQ place with Victoria and her mom and then on Tuesday we had lunch at the Olive Garden with her Grandma. I was able to ask all kinds of questions about their family background and what life was like growing up for both of them as well as Victoria and they learned all about my family. On Wednesday, we rented movies and hung out at Marvin and Linda's house all day. Then, on Thursday we went to the Florida's Museum of Natural History. Friday, I met Victoria at the doctors office where she had an appointment. I had the chance to meet the doctor and see the baby by ultrasound. It was more than exhilarating to listen to the little racing heart beat! The doctor also decided to get Victoria's started into labor. So after the appointment we went WALKING! We went to the Mills Hopper sink hole where we walked three flights of stairs to the bottom and them back up again. After that we went to the mall. Victoria was so tired but I encouraged her to continue to walk. When she couldn't go any farther I took her home to rest. I was so excited thinking about the possibility she could deliver any time. Sure enough, around nine o'clock Victoria called and said she couldn't stand the pain anymore. I picked her up and we headed to the hospital. She was dilated to two with contractions two minutes apart. Unfortunately they sent her home telling her to sleep it off. I took her home around midnight. I was so still so excited I couldn't get to sleep. Just as I dozed off around 2AM the phone rang again. It was the real deal this time. She was on her way to the hospital and she wanted me to meet her there.

Victoria labored for several hours. I spent most of my time with her and her family but had stepped out several times to seek emotional support from Jerry and renew my strength. I was a little concerned that Victoria's mom wasn't giving me any eye contact and had not said much to me. I told Jerry I thought that Victoria might change her mind. He had noticed the same thing and said I had reason for concern. He said that often times even if a birth mom really wants to place her baby she won't go through with it if she doesn't have the support of her family. Jerry and I had prayed and then I went back to the room. When I arrived I discovered that Victoria was no longer progressing and they decided she needed to have a c-section. She was upset and her mom, grandma and aunt rallied around her in support. Shortly after they wheeled her away a nurse brought in surgical garb for her mom and I to put on. Victoria's aunt and grandma helped us get all suited up and then we spent a few exciting moments talking as if we were all good friends. Then the nurse came in and told us Victoria was ready for us.

We entered the cold operating room where Victoria lay strapped to a table. Her mom took a seat next to her head and I stood behind her. Within minutes we could her a little cry. Over the curtain the doctor raised up this tiny little dark haired baby. She was so beautiful. I watched as they carried her over to the warmer where they would weigh and swaddle her. All I could think of is the conversation that Jerry and I had. She could change her mind! A nurse called me over to take a closer look. Victoria's mom and I excitedly walked over to her. The nurse handed the baby girl to me. I looked down at her and thought about how wonderful and beautiful she is. I decided that I would love her for as long as I could. At that moment Victoria's mom put her hand on my should and said gently in my ear, "you have a beautiful daughter." My heart let go and tears streamed down my cheeks. She then took a picture of the very moment that I knew this baby girl was really mine.

Psalm 139:13-14 For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

Praise God for a women who allows God to grow such a gift in her womb, then to choose us to be her family!