The beginning to a long recovery

The four days I spent in the ICU took the last bit of strength out of me that I had left. The swelling in my throat stretched out the skin so I was unable to sit up without feeling like I was choking. So I just laid in bed and grew weaker. When I was finally discharged I needed help to stand. My twig shaped legs threatened to break beneath my body. As I transitioned from the hospital to home my head began to pound out a pain that was unbearable. At home I crawled into my bed out of breath and exhausted. Lying next to me was my bible, notebook, pen and cell phone. None of which I had the strength to use. Before surgery I would lay my phone onto my ear unable to hold it in my hand, and now I am unable to lift my pen to write even the smallest note. As the days pass I learn that I have a spinal leak that is causing the headaches. I am ordered to lay in bed for another ten days which continues to leave my body week and lifeless.

When I am finally able to get out of bed it takes everything I have to shower and clean up. I am too week to lift my hairbrush to my head to comb my hair. I return to my bed for another day to regain my strength. My body is stiff, my left leg doesn't straighten and the pain has returned to an unbearable force although it is not as bad as before. I can no longer move my back or neck in any direction. I am not sure if this is from surgery or if I couldn't move before and just didn't notice. My mom brings me a glass of water and I have to ask her to dump it out until there is only a sip left because I am too week to lift it. I eat laying down in bed because I can't sit up and I have still been too week to even make it out to the couch. This goes on for another two weeks. At this point it has been about 9 weeks that I have been completely bed ridden.

I finally muster up the strength and courage to climb out of bed, walk down the hall (stopping along the way to catch my breath) and sit in a gliding chair. I was so happy to finally sit. I spent time with my kids and Ryan, my nephew who was caring for me and the kids. It didn't take long for me to realize that after sitting only for a few minutes I was in too much pain to get up. So I sat there most of the day. After that I began alternating what I did everyday almost like therapy; day one- shower and go back to bed (that's all the strength I had), day two- make my way to the gliding chair and sit there all day. The more I did these two things I knew my body would get stronger.

Over two months had passed when my neurologist finally sent me in for physical therapy. Twice a week I drove a quarter of a mile to my physical therapist where she tortured me relentlessly. It was very much like in the movies where the therapist pushes their patient to the point of tears. She would take hold of my leg and stretch it until I would cry out with tears welling up in my eyes. After stretching I would practice walking. My brain no longer worked with my leg. Every step I took I had to look down at my leg and will it to move. If I didn't it didn't go anywhere. I also had work at home. My new stretch was to attempt to put my foot up on the ottoman in front of my glider and to attempt to straighten my leg rocking back and forth putting more pressure on it. The pain from this was excruciating.

I continued to sleep with my bible next to me but I never had the strength to pick it up and read it. I can honestly say that with all the extra time I had laying around my prayer had increased. The odd thing was I never prayed for myself. I had a huge list of family and friends that I prayed for but never did I pray for healing. I think it was just too overwhelming for me. I never thought I would get better and that if I just tried to live in the moment praising God for the blessing I had that it would be easier on me. At the same time I really had to reconcile with the fact that I am no longer the same person with the same abilities. I need to create a whole new me and find out what God's will is for me. I know that he wants something from me. Even if I can't move my body I can still work for his kingdom. Over and over as I lay in bed I felt so strongly that I needed to write my story down and share it with other. It was just going to take time and a great deal of work to get me to the point that I could sit up and write.

Ephesians 4:4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

While I am changing in my abilities I am still an important part of the body. We all change throughout our life and with that change we need to rediscover God's will for us. As a single 20 something you can physically go and do so many things. When you are married with young children your focus goes to the needs of your family. As you can see you are ever evolving in our walk with God. In these changes live in peace and be thankful for you have been called to one glorious hope for the future!

Motivations

I have struggled over whether or not I should write this but it has really been weighing on my heart. It is not my intention to bring out the faults of others yet at times it is just part of the story. As many of you know either from knowing my family or from reading my blog we have devoted our lives to to trying to lead a Godly life and feel we have been called to adopt. I could say, even after my horrific injury, but really a part of it has been because of the blessing of my injury we have been led to adopt again. There are so many reasons why we have adopted that I couldn't possibly express them all without several cups of coffee and hours sharing with you about my life and what God has taught me. You see my life started out quite troubled and I was very alone and when it comes down to it my story is about several people that made me family when they didn't have to. They loved me and cared for me and taught me how to live. I want to pass that on. For years I felt that adoption would give me that chance. After having four biological sons I felt that God was giving us a another good reason to adopt. We love our sons so much that it only seemed fitting to add a daughter to the mix. Through the adoption of our daughter Faith we have been able to love her birth mom and pass on a little bit what was given to me back at that time when I was alone. When I hurt my back I thought that would be it. We were done adding children to our mix. After a year and a half of surgeries, physical therapy and chiropractic work I was finally moving a little better. When I say a little better I really mean a "little" better. I was still walking with a significant limp and not able to get out of the house other than a Walmart run from time to time. We had talked to our adoption counselor Jerry, who has become a dear friend and told him that we were done adopting. Yet just a week later I over heard my husband talking to a friend as he was saying, "I really feel called to adopt again." My response later that evening was, "are you crazy!" His response was one phrase that I will never forget and inspires me everyday, "your handicap isn't God's handicap, He can still do great things in our lives." We got on the phone with Christian Family Services and with their blessing began the process to adopt again. Over the next several months I worked harder than ever to regain my strength and abilities. In just a few months I progressed so much that I no longer walk with a limp and am able to do nearly everything that I had done before. I am still not 100% and may never be but I have been blessed beyond measure and will continue to work hard everyday to continue to get better and I will continue to give God my praises for all that he has done for me.

If you have adopted or have known someone who has adopted you probably know that when you get "the call" it is something that you will never forget. I really can't wait to tell you all about our adoption story but for now we will allow her birth mom to heal. She has given us permission to tell her incredible story of love and bravery and someday when I feel that she is at her best emotion and spiritual place I will be glad to tell her story so for now just be patient and pray for her. What I can tell you is that just prior to bringing Lydia home we had gone to speak to the elders of our church. We told them that we had saved up over half of the $15,000 that we needed to pay for the adoption but we still needed about $6,000. We asked that they pray that God puts it on someones heart to help us financially. A few months went by and although several family members were able to send us some money we still needed $5,000. Then out of the blue my chiropractor, Dr. Heather Lambert said that she would love to help me raise the money. Not only that but she would like to raise enough money that she could pay off the adoption but could also give money to some friends of ours that had recently moved to the Philippines to open an orphanage for children that have been affected by the tsunami in 2004. Dr. Heather's idea was to raffle off a brand new 2013 Chevy Equinox SUV! It took less than a week for her to talk to someone at Crews Chevrolet in North Charleston and get them on board to donate the car at cost. So we have been busy trying to sell tickets. My husband and I excitedly met with the elders of our church again telling them of our answered prayers. The elders early on could have been the ones to offer up help financially but instead it was actually so much better to see God work in the lives of those around us who have stepped in to help us. It is such an incredible experience to see your prayers answered in a way that you could not have imagined yourself. In our conversation with the elders we told them about how Dr. Heather felt called to help us and the other family that had attended church with us prior to their move to the Philippines. Now we just needed a place to hold the raffle and we thought it would be really a great if we could tell our adoption story to the congregation and then when it came time to hold the raffle we could make it a big out reach event where we could teach the community about the blessings of God. Unfortunately they said no. They really don't want anything to do with it. That being said they gave us a monetary donation because they can't preach take care of orphans and then send us away empty handed.

So here we are. We still owe a little over $4,000 and have sold only 45 tickets. It looks like such a long road ahead of us and something that is almost unattainable.  I hate asking people for money because money is that one personal thing in our lives that we hate to give up to God.  I know because it has been a struggle for me for so long in my life.  Money has the potential to control our very lives.  It has gotten so bad that when I bring the subject of what we owe up to those around me, they look away hoping to change the subject.  They're afraid that I will ask them for money.  Honestly, it hurts when your friends who say they would do anything for you avoid you because they are scared you will ask them for money.  The good that has come from this for me is I have learned that God expects me not to be controlled by money.  I've learned that money is a tool to be used for God's glory, not mine.  If my God will take care of the lillies of the field or the birds of the sky, how much more will he take care of my needs and the needs of my family.  If you want to give, please do so.  But don't give because of some sort of guilt, but do it because God wants to use the gifts he's given you to expand his kingdom and do good works here on Earth.  Whether you give to help our daughter and birth mothers in Florida or some other worthwhile cause, I implore you to remember that God gives you gifts to bless others.  Use those gifts, whatever they may be, to help those around you.

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