Come to Them

Gen 1:27 So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

A few years ago this verse really struck me. I began to wonder if I am made in God's image then to truly know who I am supposed to be I need to know who God is. Some of these answers are fairly simple.

1 John 4:8 But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

Psalm 116:5 How kind the LORD is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours!

From these two verses it is clear that God is love, he is kind and he is merciful. I can surely strive to be these things although at times it can be a great deal of work. As I continue to ponder what it means to be in God's image new questions arise. As most of you know adoption is very near and dear to my heart. This week I have really been thinking about what that means in my Christian walk. We have clear examples that God has blessed people through adoptions. There is the example of Moses who's life was spared when his mother put him in a basket and sent him down the river. Ex 2:10 says, Later, when the boy was older, his mother brought him back to Pharaoh's daughter, who adopted him as her own son. The princess named him Moses, for she explained, "I lifted him out of the water." In Ex 2:7 we see that Esther was also adopted. We read, This man had a very beautiful and lovely young cousin, Hadassah, who was also called Esther. When her father and mother died, Mordecai adopted her into his family and raised her as his own daughter. Then we read Romans 8:15 So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, "Abba, Father."

We have a clear example that God values adoption. If we are made in his image and he himself is an adoptive parent what does that mean for us? Let's now take a look at Isaiah 1:17 Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. Jesus says in John 14:18 No, I will not abandon you as orphans--I will come to you.

If Jesus will not abandon us as orphans, what does that mean for us? James 1:27 Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

Not everyone is called to adopt but we have all been called to help. I love the relationship side of the verse John 14:18 No, I will not abandon you as orphans--I will come to you.

How can you help? There is always adoption, foster care, fundraising, volunteering time or resources and so much more. We just need to start getting involved and when I say involved I mean "do not abandon them as orphans--Come to them". There is no greater blessing than to be intimately involved with your whole heart. You choose. What are you willing to give of yourself?

The most beautiful me!

Twenty years ago today I decided to follow a loving and gracious God. It was an amazing realization that I could choose the one and only father that will not disappoint me or abandon me. Over the past twenty years my God has never let me down.

I imagine myself as a beautiful vase setting on the mantel for all to  see. New and perfect God placed me in the home of my mother and father to care for me and keep me safe. It didn't take long for the first crack to appear. I was dusted off and life continued on. Several years later another crack appeared. This one deeper running from top to bottom. Not long after that more smaller cracks appear yet the vase held together for another few years. Then I shatter into a million pieces. There was no one in this world that could put me back together. I was scooped up and put back on the mantel for safe keeping. Over time my pieces were knocked off the mantel and eventually no one bothered to pick me up. At just fifteen I lay scattered about the ground having been trampled on without a thought.


It wasn't an easy decision to trust God, after all I had been through I had many reasons not to trust. Just before my sixteenth birthday I decided that if there was hope to but bandaged up and be made new I just couldn't pass it up. Through my decision to be baptized through Christ, I received so much more than healing. I have a father and a family and now not only have I been made new but I have been filled up!


Don't get me wrong I have been bumped and cracked over and over. I have even been shattered once again. But God scoops me up and lovingly puts me back together. Some might think that the scars that have been left on me are ugly but when I look in the mirror I see what appears to be the most beautiful hand etched markings that only my creator can make. I started as a simple beautiful vase but now I am the most magnificent hand crafted vase that you could ever imagine. So today I celebrate the day that I was born again, twenty years ago! I wouldn't change a thing!

The beginning to a long recovery

The four days I spent in the ICU took the last bit of strength out of me that I had left. The swelling in my throat stretched out the skin so I was unable to sit up without feeling like I was choking. So I just laid in bed and grew weaker. When I was finally discharged I needed help to stand. My twig shaped legs threatened to break beneath my body. As I transitioned from the hospital to home my head began to pound out a pain that was unbearable. At home I crawled into my bed out of breath and exhausted. Lying next to me was my bible, notebook, pen and cell phone. None of which I had the strength to use. Before surgery I would lay my phone onto my ear unable to hold it in my hand, and now I am unable to lift my pen to write even the smallest note. As the days pass I learn that I have a spinal leak that is causing the headaches. I am ordered to lay in bed for another ten days which continues to leave my body week and lifeless.

When I am finally able to get out of bed it takes everything I have to shower and clean up. I am too week to lift my hairbrush to my head to comb my hair. I return to my bed for another day to regain my strength. My body is stiff, my left leg doesn't straighten and the pain has returned to an unbearable force although it is not as bad as before. I can no longer move my back or neck in any direction. I am not sure if this is from surgery or if I couldn't move before and just didn't notice. My mom brings me a glass of water and I have to ask her to dump it out until there is only a sip left because I am too week to lift it. I eat laying down in bed because I can't sit up and I have still been too week to even make it out to the couch. This goes on for another two weeks. At this point it has been about 9 weeks that I have been completely bed ridden.

I finally muster up the strength and courage to climb out of bed, walk down the hall (stopping along the way to catch my breath) and sit in a gliding chair. I was so happy to finally sit. I spent time with my kids and Ryan, my nephew who was caring for me and the kids. It didn't take long for me to realize that after sitting only for a few minutes I was in too much pain to get up. So I sat there most of the day. After that I began alternating what I did everyday almost like therapy; day one- shower and go back to bed (that's all the strength I had), day two- make my way to the gliding chair and sit there all day. The more I did these two things I knew my body would get stronger.

Over two months had passed when my neurologist finally sent me in for physical therapy. Twice a week I drove a quarter of a mile to my physical therapist where she tortured me relentlessly. It was very much like in the movies where the therapist pushes their patient to the point of tears. She would take hold of my leg and stretch it until I would cry out with tears welling up in my eyes. After stretching I would practice walking. My brain no longer worked with my leg. Every step I took I had to look down at my leg and will it to move. If I didn't it didn't go anywhere. I also had work at home. My new stretch was to attempt to put my foot up on the ottoman in front of my glider and to attempt to straighten my leg rocking back and forth putting more pressure on it. The pain from this was excruciating.

I continued to sleep with my bible next to me but I never had the strength to pick it up and read it. I can honestly say that with all the extra time I had laying around my prayer had increased. The odd thing was I never prayed for myself. I had a huge list of family and friends that I prayed for but never did I pray for healing. I think it was just too overwhelming for me. I never thought I would get better and that if I just tried to live in the moment praising God for the blessing I had that it would be easier on me. At the same time I really had to reconcile with the fact that I am no longer the same person with the same abilities. I need to create a whole new me and find out what God's will is for me. I know that he wants something from me. Even if I can't move my body I can still work for his kingdom. Over and over as I lay in bed I felt so strongly that I needed to write my story down and share it with other. It was just going to take time and a great deal of work to get me to the point that I could sit up and write.

Ephesians 4:4 For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future.

Colossians 3:15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

While I am changing in my abilities I am still an important part of the body. We all change throughout our life and with that change we need to rediscover God's will for us. As a single 20 something you can physically go and do so many things. When you are married with young children your focus goes to the needs of your family. As you can see you are ever evolving in our walk with God. In these changes live in peace and be thankful for you have been called to one glorious hope for the future!

Motivations

I have struggled over whether or not I should write this but it has really been weighing on my heart. It is not my intention to bring out the faults of others yet at times it is just part of the story. As many of you know either from knowing my family or from reading my blog we have devoted our lives to to trying to lead a Godly life and feel we have been called to adopt. I could say, even after my horrific injury, but really a part of it has been because of the blessing of my injury we have been led to adopt again. There are so many reasons why we have adopted that I couldn't possibly express them all without several cups of coffee and hours sharing with you about my life and what God has taught me. You see my life started out quite troubled and I was very alone and when it comes down to it my story is about several people that made me family when they didn't have to. They loved me and cared for me and taught me how to live. I want to pass that on. For years I felt that adoption would give me that chance. After having four biological sons I felt that God was giving us a another good reason to adopt. We love our sons so much that it only seemed fitting to add a daughter to the mix. Through the adoption of our daughter Faith we have been able to love her birth mom and pass on a little bit what was given to me back at that time when I was alone. When I hurt my back I thought that would be it. We were done adding children to our mix. After a year and a half of surgeries, physical therapy and chiropractic work I was finally moving a little better. When I say a little better I really mean a "little" better. I was still walking with a significant limp and not able to get out of the house other than a Walmart run from time to time. We had talked to our adoption counselor Jerry, who has become a dear friend and told him that we were done adopting. Yet just a week later I over heard my husband talking to a friend as he was saying, "I really feel called to adopt again." My response later that evening was, "are you crazy!" His response was one phrase that I will never forget and inspires me everyday, "your handicap isn't God's handicap, He can still do great things in our lives." We got on the phone with Christian Family Services and with their blessing began the process to adopt again. Over the next several months I worked harder than ever to regain my strength and abilities. In just a few months I progressed so much that I no longer walk with a limp and am able to do nearly everything that I had done before. I am still not 100% and may never be but I have been blessed beyond measure and will continue to work hard everyday to continue to get better and I will continue to give God my praises for all that he has done for me.

If you have adopted or have known someone who has adopted you probably know that when you get "the call" it is something that you will never forget. I really can't wait to tell you all about our adoption story but for now we will allow her birth mom to heal. She has given us permission to tell her incredible story of love and bravery and someday when I feel that she is at her best emotion and spiritual place I will be glad to tell her story so for now just be patient and pray for her. What I can tell you is that just prior to bringing Lydia home we had gone to speak to the elders of our church. We told them that we had saved up over half of the $15,000 that we needed to pay for the adoption but we still needed about $6,000. We asked that they pray that God puts it on someones heart to help us financially. A few months went by and although several family members were able to send us some money we still needed $5,000. Then out of the blue my chiropractor, Dr. Heather Lambert said that she would love to help me raise the money. Not only that but she would like to raise enough money that she could pay off the adoption but could also give money to some friends of ours that had recently moved to the Philippines to open an orphanage for children that have been affected by the tsunami in 2004. Dr. Heather's idea was to raffle off a brand new 2013 Chevy Equinox SUV! It took less than a week for her to talk to someone at Crews Chevrolet in North Charleston and get them on board to donate the car at cost. So we have been busy trying to sell tickets. My husband and I excitedly met with the elders of our church again telling them of our answered prayers. The elders early on could have been the ones to offer up help financially but instead it was actually so much better to see God work in the lives of those around us who have stepped in to help us. It is such an incredible experience to see your prayers answered in a way that you could not have imagined yourself. In our conversation with the elders we told them about how Dr. Heather felt called to help us and the other family that had attended church with us prior to their move to the Philippines. Now we just needed a place to hold the raffle and we thought it would be really a great if we could tell our adoption story to the congregation and then when it came time to hold the raffle we could make it a big out reach event where we could teach the community about the blessings of God. Unfortunately they said no. They really don't want anything to do with it. That being said they gave us a monetary donation because they can't preach take care of orphans and then send us away empty handed.

So here we are. We still owe a little over $4,000 and have sold only 45 tickets. It looks like such a long road ahead of us and something that is almost unattainable.  I hate asking people for money because money is that one personal thing in our lives that we hate to give up to God.  I know because it has been a struggle for me for so long in my life.  Money has the potential to control our very lives.  It has gotten so bad that when I bring the subject of what we owe up to those around me, they look away hoping to change the subject.  They're afraid that I will ask them for money.  Honestly, it hurts when your friends who say they would do anything for you avoid you because they are scared you will ask them for money.  The good that has come from this for me is I have learned that God expects me not to be controlled by money.  I've learned that money is a tool to be used for God's glory, not mine.  If my God will take care of the lillies of the field or the birds of the sky, how much more will he take care of my needs and the needs of my family.  If you want to give, please do so.  But don't give because of some sort of guilt, but do it because God wants to use the gifts he's given you to expand his kingdom and do good works here on Earth.  Whether you give to help our daughter and birth mothers in Florida or some other worthwhile cause, I implore you to remember that God gives you gifts to bless others.  Use those gifts, whatever they may be, to help those around you.

If you wish to help our family with the adoption of our daughter and the care of birth mothers, please visit...... ebay raffle

To Be Moved Into Action

I am typing this from my cell phone while sitting in my camper trailer so please forgive the editing errors. Most of my family has gone to bed. We have spread out, sleeping in any nook and cranny we can fit into. Some are in the van while others are in our pull behind trailer. We don't have much, just a fan to circulate the air, a few small lights, a fridge and a working toilet. Much more and we trip the breaker of the church building we are pulling our electricity from. We draw our water from the building as well. It's stored in a big 7 gallon jug that we drink from and can cook with. We wash up in a small bucket like the kind you might use to mop with. So you might ask why we would live like this for a little over a week and I wonder if what I say could move you to tears, to your knees and into action. When I was a teenager I felt incredibly alone. A few families from my church where I attended (usually by myself) cared for me and loved me. They had me over for dinner and let me stay over night in their homes often visiting with me into the early morning. I absolutely believe that as a result I beat the odds. Whatever statistics you might read about a lower income teen being raised in a single absentee parent home exposed to drugs and alcohol, I beat those statistics. Why? Because someone loved me. Fast forward many years and I am married to the love of my life and we have five beautiful children. We loaded up our family and we have been living in a parking lot because I have been moved to tears, moved to my knees and moved to action. Someone loved me so much they changed my life. I cannot live a life that doesn't reflect that kind of love. There are girls and women that didn't beat the statistics, but there is still hope. I can love them and you can love them. I cry for them and I pray for them and I have been moved to action. My family spent much of this week with Victoria, my three year old daughters birthmom. We have loved and prayed for Victoria ever since we decided to adopt. When I finally met her a week before Faith was born I couldn't help but to love her and hug her and help her. Victoria has moved from the homeless shelter she had lived in and has her own apartment and has gotten a wonderful job that she can continue to work her way up in. I know that she will do wonderful things with her life. Through out the week on the days that we didn't visit with Victoria we spent time getting to know our new birthmom. For our first visit we met at a restaurant. My husband Jason, our adoption counselor Jerry and I all sat at the table and waited for her. She arrived alone with her bright blue eyes nervously looking at us. I sat across from her as we shared details about our families. Nearing the end of dinner she began to cry. She somberly utters the words, "please tell her how much I love her." We parted with hugs and a few tears. We met with her again today but this time we both brought our other children, my five and her three. Our kids all got along great as they ran up and down the park and played on the monkey bars and slide. Jason sat and visited with her boyfriend while she and I talked. I asked her who she has to lean on and her story hits home and yet was very different than my own. When she was a teenager she was very alone. She never had a family to care for her and love her. No one shared their home with her or sat with her talking all through the night. She stands before me utterly alone. I will love her. She will place her baby with us to adopt and we will give her a life that her birthmother cannot provide. But we won't stop there. If she will let us, we will love her as well. We will be her family just like we have done with Victoria. We will send card and pictures and a gift on her birthday. We will email, text, call and visit because we love her. There are more that need to be loved. Girls, women and their babies. What can I say that will move you. If only you could look in her eyes and see the girl before me. How much she hurts and how much she needs you.

There are places like Christian Family Services in Gainesville, Fl that helps to counsel women and help them to make the right descision for them whether it is to parent or to place their baby for adoption. They need volunteers to help get things done in the office so the counselors can devote more time to ministery to these women. They also need financial help. It cost a great deal of money to drive to meet families or to take them to eat so they can talk. The expenses are countless. There are also places like your local pregnancy center that is in need of someone that can devote some time or money. I urge you to get involved. Many of these ministries need money and there is no denying that but money doesn't change the heart. Get involved and build relationships so you can make a difference. I am praying for your heart to bend to what God has planned for you.

Out of Surgery But in the ICU

I could hear the beeping of the machines in the hospital mixed with sweet voices echoing in a distance in a tone that brought back memories of my mom waking me up in the morning when I was a child. For the first time in six weeks I was sleeping and at this moment  I feel no pain and my agony is gone. I could stay here forever. "Please just let me sleep a little longer," my thoughts whisper and with that I am gone.

I wake again a little more clear. The voices are a little louder and have actual words attached to them. "Heather, Heather. Wake up. Your done with surgery and in recovery now." Without moving my body I open my eyes and look toward the woman. She placed a button in my hand and said, "this is your button that will give you morphine. Any time you're in pain go ahead and press it." I gripped the button like it was my life line. Closing my eyes I wiggled my toes. I can't feel my left foot but my toes moved which meant the surgery didn't paralyze me. I then lay still and enjoy the calm of my body eventually dozing off again.

The next thing I remember was being in a much smaller room by myself. The intense pain that I had before urgency was gone but as I tried to move my leg it just didn't want to move. I was told that once I had surgery I would be like new again. There would be no pain and numbness and my leg would work normally. I knew as soon as I tried to move that this wasn't the case for me. A nurse came into my room and wanted me to get out of bed. I moved my right leg toward the side of my bed but my left leg didn't move. "Can you help me move my leg to the side," I asked. The nurse pulled back the blanket to reveal my long slender leg that is now nothing but skin and bone. Gently she pulled my left leg to the side of the bed while I raised my body from the bed. She allowed my leg to slip from the bed and dangle off the edge. I cautiously lowered myself from the bed and was able to stand on my right leg with my left toe barely touching to floor. I wasn't able to straighten my leg enough to allow the bottom of my foot to touch down. I hobbled to the bathroom using my IV pole for stability just about three steps away and then back again. That was enough to put me back in bed for the night.

The next morning the nurse helped me from my bed and I made another trip to the bathroom. I felt a little stronger this time. Before surgery I had been in so much pain that I hadn't been able to eat so it felt really good to eat a good breakfast that morning. My mom had come to visit and we were talking about my progress. I had wished there had been more significant changes but was hopeful things would get better quickly. A man entered my room with meds for a nebulizer treatment. I had been sick just before surgery and after being intubated the doctor wanted to make sure I was continuing to improve and my asthma didn't get worse. My mom left to get a snack while I took my treatment and was back just shortly after the respiratory therapist left my room. She brought back a bowl of fruit with her as she sat down and began to chat with me. I started feeling like something just wasn't right. I asked my mom what she was eating. When she told me fruit I asked her to take it out. Before I had allergy shots years ago I had been severely allergic to fruit. I hadn't reacted in years but something wasn't right and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. Only a minute had past and I began feeling like I was choking on something. I asked my mom for a drink and explained that I felt like something was stuck in my throat and I was having a hard time swallowing it. I took a drink but it didn't help. My throat was increasingly scratching and my voice was getting raspy. I asked my mom to go get the nurse. When they both returned I explained how I was feeling. She reached into her pocket and handed me a throat lozenge. I refused to take it and said, "I feel like I have swelling in my throat and you want to give me a throat lozenge?" She turned away and said that she was going to get the respiratory therapist. She walked away and they both returned quickly. He already had a pen light in hand and was standing over me ready to look. "There appears to be some redness and swelling," he announced. They said they would be right back and they both left the room. Whatever it was that I felt was stuck in the back of my throat was getting worse. I gave a little cough and something in the back of my throat moved. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My throat was swelling even more and what I felt stuck in the back of my throat was my uvula. Essentially I was swallowing my own throat. I asked my mom if I had splotchy redness anywhere on my body with pail white around it. She stood closer and looked over me. "Your neck and down your chest is turning bright red," she replied with worry. "Mom, I'm getting worse. Go get help!" It was increasingly hard to breath now. Each breath squeezing past my swollen uvula attempting to suck it down my wind pipe. To keep from choking and to open my wind pipe more I tilted my chin up toward the ceiling. Then panic set in. I just sent the only person who had been in the room with me away. I could no longer shout for help and I couldn't get out of bed. I was trapped. Trapped in this bed and trapped in this body. My arms pressed down on the bed where I lay pushing my body up toward the ceiling with my hands gripping the bedding. My legs bent at the knees lay lifeless at the bottom half of the bed. "Stay calm," I thought, "I can't loose it. Just breath. Slow. In and out. Oh Lord, be with me." I could hear voices coming toward the door. A team stepped into my room. A man stood over me saying, "hi Heather, we are the emergency response team and we are going to help you out." He looked into my throat and announced to the team that my back of my throat was nearly swollen shut. I watched him walk to the end of my bed where he and another woman talked to my nurse and respiratory therapist about my condition. I began to shake uncontrollably as air barely passed through to my lungs making a deep screeching sound. A woman walked over and felt my forehead and asked if I was cold. I shook my head no. She announced to the team that I was going into shock. The man told the nurse to page the on call ER doc STAT. The woman put a warm blanket over me and pulled it up to my chin. She reached her arms around me and drew her face in close to mine whispering, "hang in there, sweetie. Your doing great. Just keep doing what your doing and you will be fine." The man told the nurse to get the epinephrine ready. She left and returned immediately. The man stood beside me and tried to reassure me saying, " we are ready to give you the epi as soon as the doc comes in and agrees. Just hang in there until he gets here." That being said the doctor walked in. Without even looking at my chart he looked down at me and said, "yep, give her the epi." I could feel it enter my body and felt immediate relief. The doc told the other staff that I needed to be moved down to the ICU for the next three days and then walked out of the room. The man from the emergency response team gathered up my wiring and wheeled me out of that room and down to the ICU and got me checked in. I spent the rest of the evening and through the night unable to swallow normally and having to lay flat and keep my head tipped back to keep from swallowing my uvula. My mom was a terrible wreck crying, "I thought you were going to die and they were all just standing there watching you." Her visits to the hospital were not as ofter after that.

Psalm139:4-5
 ⁴ “Show me, LORD, my life’s end
and the number of my days;
let me know how fleeting my life is.
⁵ You have made my days a mere handbreadth;
the span of my years is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath,
even those who seem secure.