The Rock

Over the year that I was friends with Christy I was really struggling with finding strength to give a part of myself away that felt like I was dying. I had been teaching a teen girl class on Wednesday nights. At the end of the book we had been working through it asked that we all write something on a rock. I thought the exercises was silly. But I wanted to be a good example. So the afternoon before class I gathered up enough rocks for the girls and me. I had pondered what to right but I couldn't think of anything. How could I? Everything in life at that time was so incredibly difficult and writing on a rock was just plain insignificant in comparison. I got to class that night and told the girls about our project. They all looked at me like I was an idiot. "Oh, come on. This is going to be great." I said with a big fake smile. One of the girls replied, "What are we supposed to write?" I again tried to sound enthusiastic and said, "Anything you want. Look I'll start." I then was over come by sheer panic. I could think of nothing. I had thought all day and nothing had come to mind and as I stood in the presence of all these girls staring at me, my mind was even more blank than before. I then gave a quick silent prayer, "Oh Lord, please give me something, anything to say. Speak through me oh Lord." Immediately the word Believe popped into my mind. I picked up my red sharpie and wrote onto my rock Believe. One of the girls asked, "What's that suppose to mean." Feeling a little down hearted and let down I replied, "I don't know, just right a word." All of the girls busily started writing on their rocks. I took my rock home and set it on the table top at the entry way of the front door. It sat there untouched for at least 6 months. From time to time it would catch my eye. The word Believe written there on that rock for no good reason.

One very average morning I was studying the bible at the kitchen table while the kids ate their breakfast. I began with the usual prayer for God to open my heart to his word. I then read these verses,

Matthew 21:21-22 ...Jesus told them, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."

John 20:26-31 Eight days later the disciples were together again, and this time Thomas was with them. The doors were locked; but suddenly, as before, Jesus was standing among them. "Peace be with you," he said. Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don't be faithless any longer. Believe!" "My Lord and my God!" Thomas exclaimed. Then Jesus told him, "You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me." The disciples saw Jesus do many other miraculous signs in addition to the ones recorded in this book. But these are written so that you may continue to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing in him you will have life by the power of his name.

1 Timothy 4:9-10 This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it. This is why we work hard and continue to struggle, for our hope is in the living God, who is the Savior of all people and particularly of all believers.

Hebrews 11:6 And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

I jumped from my seat and ran to find my rock. It was exactly where I had left it months before. The word Believe staring up at me. I found another sharpie and wrote on the other side, Pain, in bold black letters. On the Pain side of the rock it represents Jesus trapped in his tomb. Sealed away without hope. If I leave it on that side I am without hope and live in pain. As I flip the rock over it represents Jesus rolling the stone away, healing me from all earthly pain. My belief can't stop with believing that Jesus lived and died. I have to believe that he rolled that giant rock away and with that has set me free as well. His promises to me are fulfilled. So now what? Do I really have to wait until I get to heaven to feel relief? To be healed? I set the stone on the table in front of me and continues to read.

John 14:26-29 But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. "I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.

John 16:33  I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

Psalm 119:76 Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant.

John 15:11 I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!

Romans 5:1-5 Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

I don't have to wait! I can have all these things now! I have been a follower of Christ most of my life so you would think I would feel at peace. But through struggles that peace tends to whither away. So how do I get it back? Then I was reminded of a story.

Matthew 26:36-47 Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, "Sit here while I go over there to pray." He took Peter and Zebedee's two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. He told them, "My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, "My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." Then he returned to the disciples and found them asleep. He said to Peter, "Couldn't you watch with me even one hour? Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!" Then Jesus left them a second time and prayed, "My Father! If this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will be done." When he returned to them again, he found them sleeping, for they couldn't keep their eyes open. So he went to pray a third time, saying the same things again. Then he came to the disciples and said, "Go ahead and sleep. Have your rest. But look—the time has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

Jesus' soul was crushed with grieve. He went in prayer to God. Three times he prayed the same prayer. Why? It seams to me that he was searching for peace and comfort. How often do we say a prayer then open our eyes and lift our head and have never allowed God to fill our hearts with his love, giving us peace and comfort. I usually pray and then go on worrying about the exact thing I just prayed about. So from the moment that I sat at the table to this day when I pray I will pray the same prayer over and over again until my heart is open to God's will and I am at peace. "Not my will but your will be done Father".