I envision myself standing on a ledge. I must move forward but I can't see what's in front of me. I close my eyes, take a deep breath and step forward. Suddenly there is something below me lifting me up. I take the next step and again I am lifted.
That's faith my friends. Not knowing the future but moving forward to the unknown. At times the step can be made easily, while other times it is more than frightening.
Imagine you step forward. As you foot reaches in front of you, your weight shifts onto your 'faith' step. But you don't immediately feel anything there. You gasp. Your heart stops. A tear wells up. You may even stumble. Then just as suddenly you are caught and lifted back up. You may fall to your knees and pray. Feeling God's presence you stand, ready for the next step. But you don't want to go alone. Reaching forward with both hands like a child you begin to feel for Him. Your fingers out stretched, move slowly back and forth. The tip of your finger brushes past something but before you can grab hold it's gone. Your hands begin to search with more passion. Beating at the air as if it might open up and reveal the one you search for. Again your fingers brush against something. This time you feel the soft warm touch. Your hand stretched in front of you the touch ever so softly runs His warmth from your hand. You feel at peace. You know He is there. Take another step and you will find Him. You take that 'faith' step. Just before you loose footing you are caught again. You are shaken and become unsure. Maybe you should go back to the place where you could see more of the picture. You become shaky and think you could fall. Then you remember the one you search for. You take another step as your courage builds. Just then the ground that lifts you up reaches from below to steady you. You realize the one you search for was the one guiding each step. You step again with more confidence. Your step was solid and without hesitation. You begin to spring forward like a child running through a field. Even though you can't see where you are going you know who is with you. Then your hand brushes past something warm. You reach out and the hand of your Father takes yours. You have arrived. Your journey is not at it's end but you are where you need to be right now. The unknown is gone and you can see a new puzzle piece of your life. With your difficult walk behind you, God will give you rest. This is your time to be nourished by Him. To learn more about your journey that you have walked. It's time to teach others about the dark steps and the one who catches you. Rest my friend. Be in his arms and gain strength. There is a greater journey ahead.
I was a new person when I got to Washington. Strong and pure as the child I had been so many years ago. I had to learn how to read the bible as that child. How to make friends and be a new me. It was a new beginning with a new faith. Our family was stronger, so strong in the faith that of coarse God should lead us to new 'faith' steps. These step were easier than before. It all started with meeting a wonderful family who had adopted two beautiful children. In the five days that we got to know them before they moved to Canada they filled our minds with their excitement for adoption. They told us about the wonderful agency they worked with and the wonderful people that brought such a blessing into their lives. Our hearts weren't ready to make such a journey but God continued to work on our hearts. For me it was hearing so much about adoption on the radio while running errands. Jason was listening to the same radio station to and from work. What I know now is that this is right around the time when Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman started their campaign for adoption. There were interviews being done on the radio and local seminars being announced. It seemed that every where we turned adoption was being mentioned. Then one day while Jason and I were in the car together there was an interview being done about adoption. We began to talk about the fact that we both felt like God was pulling us forward to do this. But we didn't have any extra money. When we got home we both began to pray about it. We spent the next few weeks weeding through emotions and what we feel to be signs from God. In that very moment there was a very clear picture of our beautiful life and all that was behind us. Now we are faced with a cliff. Beyond the cliff there isn't a clear picture of what's to come. The big question was, do we take that 'faith' step into the unknown. If it were God's will for us to adopt He will provide the means to do so. A 'faith' step it will be! We contacted the agency we had heard of and asked to be put on their waiting list because they were not taking new applications. I spoke with Jerry who eventually became our adoption counselor and a very dear friend. He told me that against normal policy (we have too many stinkin kids) they would indeed not just put us on their waiting list but they would take our application. So the process began.
We tirelessly filled out papers about our family and our marriage. We finally finished with the application and much of our paper work for the home study. I will never forget the day I took another 'faith' step and mailed it. I got up early that morning and headed out to the post office. The most precious of packages in my hand. I so carefully made sure every check list had been checked and checked again. I handed it carefully to the postman and in return got my receipt. I drove home with such excitement. Minutes after I got home Jason called. The conversation went much like this. Him, "What are you doing?" Me, "I just mailed the papers and am getting ready to celebrate with some friends." Him, "You should sit down." Me, "Why? Just tell me what you have to say." Him, "I am being deployed for a year to Afghanistan but first I have to go to a school for three months. I leave in just a few months." Me, "Okay, we will have to see what God has planned for us. Maybe that is how God is providing the money for us to adopt." Him, "I was thinking the same thing." With that the conversation was left to be discussed relentlessly and with great anguish for the next several months.
My friend, God has a plan. His will is greater than anything you could imagine. If your life is calm at the moment, take that as time to gain wisdom and strength from God so you may tell others of your journey. If you are in front of a cliff looking into the unknown, take a 'faith' step. God will catch you and guide you to your destination. Trust him! He IS there! When your 'faith' step brings you to tears remember this verse from The Message. Psalm 30:5 "The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter."
Heavenly Father, give me the wisdom to bring others closer to you . I have been praying to you Father, that my words reflect Your will. I continue to pray Father, that my heart will long for You and that my friends who read this will hear my story at a time in their lives that they will find strength and comfort through You. Lord, continue to bless my family and all who read this. In Jesus name I pray ~ Amen
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